Living by Design

A Manifesto of Values

Some values we embody effortlessly; others are aspirational—we strive to live by them, often falling short. Like most people, I possess a mix of both. In this piece, I aim to codify the values that currently shape, or will shape, my life. These values draw from both ancient wisdom and modern insight, with themes reflecting my Stoic and Christian inclinations.

Pathei Mathos: Learning Through Suffering

I wish I could say I’ve always welcomed hardship, but my first instinct is to resist it. Still, the Greek idea of pathei mathos rings true. Looking back, my greatest growth didn’t occur during easy times, but when life knocked me sideways. I try (often unsuccessfully) to meet pain with curiosity, asking, “What is this moment trying to teach me?” Amidst the grief of losing a loved one, the disappointment of a missed opportunity, a bad grade, a denied promotion, a rejected application, a brutal breakup, or a failed investment, there’s always something to learn. If nothing else, you learn just how resilient you are.

James 1:2–3 (ESV)
[2] Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, [3] for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.

Hebrews 5:8 (ESV)
[8] Although he was a son, he learned obedience through what he suffered.

Eustress: The Power of Positive Challenge

I like this word for a variety of reasons, chiefly because it’s a quasi-homophone for my favorite cartoon character, Eustace. Perhaps he’d have been less miserable with a more receptive outlook on stress, but then I suppose I’d have found him less amusing. The negative connotation often misattributed to “stress” is, in fact, a reference to “distress”—the bad kind. When you start a new job, train for a marathon, or meet new people, you experience a type of stress that builds excitement, eagerness, and confidence. That’s eustress, seek it out, find it, and embrace it; you will live a richer life.

Personal Sovereignty

First, a tangent: Christianity teaches that God is sovereign over all things.

Isaiah 46:9-10 (ESV)
[9] Remember the former things of old; for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, [10] declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose,’

Any message contrary to this is, at best, heretical. At one extreme, we are not “little gods” that can strong-arm God or the universe into succumbing to our warped desires. At the other, our actions are not so inconsequential that we should adopt a fatalistic outlook—God’s sovereignty does not negate human responsibility. There’s a role for us to play, and it’s within this defined boundary that I believe personal sovereignty unfolds.

Personal sovereignty is not a call to isolation or radical independence. Instead, it’s about refusing to cede control of your life to abstract or tangible forces. The hero and the villain often have similar traumatic backstories, yet their responses could not be more starkly different. Ultimately, we are responsible for our choices, actions, and lives regardless of what external stimuli we encounter. I hope this does not diminish the grotesque realities some of us are subjected to; rather, it’s an invitation to take an active role in shaping your perception of reality, a crucial first step on the path to living a more intentional life.

Amor Fati: Loving One’s Fate

Nietzsche called it “the love of your fate.” Joseph Campbell put it even more bluntly: “Whatever your fate is, whatever the hell happens, you say, ‘This is what I need.’” This is a concept I struggle to internalize, particularly because on the surface it sounds like a load of copium. I have, however, noticed that the disasters I survived are now the stories I tell, and the scars I’m oddly proud of.

One evening when I was seven, I jumped through a glass door after watching one too many action movies. Was it fun getting stitches and learning to navigate mundane tasks while keeping the weight off one leg? No. Was it fun getting berated by my parents and touted as the poster boy for chaos? No. Did I think to myself in that moment: “This is exactly what I need”? I guarantee no seven-year-old thinks this way, no matter how precocious they are. Yet, did I learn a lasting lesson about my very vincible nature? That’s a resounding yes, and perhaps in a way that saved my life. I distinctly remember the urge to jump off a balcony with a plastic bag as a makeshift parachute—an impulse I shelved, along with a treasure trove of other foolish ideas, based on how my first escapade went. Perhaps loving your fate is simply learning to see the opportunity in the wreckage.

Memento Mori: Remember Death

Morbid? Perhaps. Yet, remembering your mortality is an effective litmus test for many decisions, especially how to spend your time. This might seem silly, but I invite you to briefly indulge in a thought exercise; I believe it’s well worth your time. Picture yourself receiving a diagnosis that implies you have only five years left to live. How do your thoughts change when we adjust the timeframe to one year? How about six months… two weeks…one day?

If you participated in the exercise, you should’ve experienced an array of emotions. For me, career progression suddenly seemed less relevant, and I got hung up on how many milestone events—weddings, graduations, baby showers, birthdays—I’d miss out on with my friends and family. The takeaway is simple: if I value relationships so much, I can start now to invest in them, rather than indefinitely putting those things off for a time when I have more bandwidth. As you age, the odds are that you’ll only get busier (responsibilities pile on, complexity increases). If you’ve been deferring things for later, I must tell you plainly: tomorrow never comes.

Sympatheia: Connected to the Whole

Stoics talk about sympatheia—the sense that we’re all part of something bigger. It is the recognition that your life is inextricably linked with the lives of others and the world around you.

I hope you, like me, feel upset when people are rude to service workers. The endless list of ‘-isms’ that pervade society today effectively drive a divisive wedge between its constituents. If we were all highly compensated C-suite executives, who would be left to fill the ‘demeaning’ roles?

Christianity echoes a similar sentiment:

​​1 Corinthians 12:14–26 (ESV)
[14] For the body does not consist of one member but of many. [15] If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. [16] And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. [17] If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? [18] But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. [19] If all were a single member, where would the body be? [20] As it is, there are many parts, yet one body.

[21] The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” [22] On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, [23] and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, [24] which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, [25] that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. [26] If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.

David Foster Wallace elegantly articulates this concept in his commencement speech "This Is Water." We must actively work against our natural, self-centered default setting, adjusting our perspectives to view the world through different lenses and making an effort to care about others, even in small ways. In striving for a well-rounded human experience, we become well-adjusted.

Sapere Aude: Dare to Know

This one is more aspirational for me. In truth, I often prioritize getting things done while learning only the minimum required for a task. Sapere aude reminds me not to settle for easy answers. I’m scared of being the annoying person who asks too many questions. I’m scared of putting my ignorance on full display. Yet, I’m gradually learning that every expert was once a novice. They did their time in the valley of ineptitude, and so must I— this is the price of mastery. I now strive to question assumptions, seek understanding, and never settle for easy answers.

High Agency: The Unreasonable Man

George Bernard Shaw quipped, “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.”

I’ve learned that breakthroughs come from people who refuse to accept “that’s just the way it is.” I want to be unreasonable enough to believe things can change and stubborn enough to try.

Festina Lente: Make Haste Slowly

Festina lente encapsulates the paradox of effective action. In a world obsessed with speed and shortcuts, I value patience, craftsmanship, and pride in one’s labor. As the adage goes, “Slow is smooth, smooth is fast.” There are no shortcuts for the things that truly matter.

How many times have you forgotten an important travel document in your haste to the airport? How many accidents happened specifically because people drive too quickly, reducing their reaction time? In some cases, the cost of speed is an extra round-trip to the airport as you circle back for that document. Unfortunately, the stakes are usually much higher.

Age Quod Agis: Do What You Are Doing

Age quod agis has become a mantra for me in a distracted world, addressing two notable aspects. The first is the temptation to maximize productivity through relentless multitasking. While information overload and perpetual context switching often render this unfruitful, many persist. The second is a lack of pleasure or honor in one’s work because it’s not as glamorous or desirable as portrayals in popular culture. Focus on one thing, even the simplest things. Be present in them, delight in them, and perform them with diligence. Your work will speak for itself, and your life will be richer.

Conclusion: Values in Action

Some of these values come naturally; others are aspirations—ideals I strive to embody more fully each day. Together, they form a compass for navigating the chaos, uncertainty, and beauty of life. They remind me that character is forged not by what happens to us, but by how we choose to respond. This is my ongoing manifesto—a work in progress, like life itself.